Dear Men: Validate me

"The fact that people believe a woman is not allowed to express her sexuality past a certain age is proof that we still live in an ageist and sexist society" - Madonna

 I envy the white man.

I asked my boyfriend what his stance was on famous women exploiting men with their sexuality, is it empowering or degrading, or simply opportunistic? His response was a confused expression as he pondered a question that he had never been asked in his 22 years of life. To paraphrase him, ‘It is not something that concerns me’.

I envy this ignorance. 

I was hunting for a male perspective on whether it is right to vilify women for profiting off of male libido, or if it is in fact the man’s fault for letting her.

But the non-answer that I received was far more enlightening. The average man does not care! So why do we?

I ask you; does it matter? Does it matter how a woman dresses, either on stage or on the street, if she herself does not mind being sexualised? The danger comes when the lines get blurred between sexualisation and being reduced to your sexuality. Two very different things.
One involves taking control of your body and image, and one uses outdated social ideologies to dismiss a women’s voice and message by reducing her to her sexuality.

Since the dawn of the Golden Age of Hollywood, icons have used sexuality to market themselves into global fame- a technique often deployed by managers to sell their clients by masquerading as ‘[promoting] a message of sexual empowerment[i]’.

The question of whether this is empowering or oppressive is one often argued by anyone with a vested interest in the portrayal of women in the media.

Does a woman need to be sexual in order to stay relevant?

Or have we simply cursed all formidable women to this social destiny in an attempt to forever link women to their sexual worth?

As a Riot Grrrl and third-wave feminist enthusiast, I stand firmly on the ground that supports women in all their sexual endeavours, because true freedom from oppressive patriarchy is that which is free from the need to 'tone down' in order to be more palatable.

I hope that anyone who can’t stomach me throws me back up for the right demographic to devour.
You can choke on my fishnets and promiscuity and I’ll happily use my Dr Martens to boot you back to the 20^th century.
In this neck of the woods, we don’t use ‘whore’ as an insult and women can use their sexuality to their advantage as long as men let them. Don’t like it? Don’t let us!

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[i] Like a Crone page 1